Jabari- There’s A Mouse In My House
Written By: Tammy Ferebee
Today has been one of those unforgettable days. One of those days you know you’ll look back on and get a good laugh from ten years down the line. I guess I can’t just start by telling you about today. It wouldn’t be fair to cheat you guys out of half of the story. It all started yesterday. I was at work, as usual. The time was about seven or eight o clock. And my phone rang. I missed her first call because my hands were full, but before I could call again, she was ringing me a second time. I picked up this call and my wife was hysterical. She sounded like someone was trying to kill her. After minutes of telling her over and over again to calm the hell down, I finally understood that my wife had seen a mouse. I wasn’t too surprised. I mean we live in an apartment and our neighbors are trifling as hell. Our house is always clean. My wife is a neat freak. But I always try to explain to her that in apartments, neighbors share everything. Roaches, rats, everything.
Moving on, the wife is screaming. All I could clearly hear from her was, “There’s a mouse in here! He might bite the baby! What if his whole family moves in? Ahhhh! There’s a mouse in here!” I’ll admit, I laughed at her ass. I mean it’s a damn mouse. What the hell can a mouse really do? I told her I’d bring some traps home. She told me she needed me home right then because it’s hot and she’s sweating up there. I asked her what the hell that meant. What is up there? She tells me that she’s standing on the table and that it’s hot up there by the light. I love my wife. I do. So it’s okay if I say, she’s a damn nut. I told her to get her ass off that table and go into our room with the baby.
So hours later, I make it home. I mean a mouse is not about to stop me from getting my overtime. I walk into our bedroom and my wife is packed up. She’s crying and screaming about how she can’t take it. How this mouse has taken over the house. I couldn’t believe it. It’s a mouse! What the hell is so scary about a mouse? So before I could talk her out of anything, she took my daughter over to her mother’s house and they stayed the night. I’m a grown man. I aint scared of the dark. But I love sleeping next to my wife. I hate turning over and not being able to hold my woman. So I lied to her. Yes ladies, I admit it. I lied to my wife. I called her when I woke up and told her that I caught the mouse. I wanted her to come home and I missed my babygirl. So they came back home. Thank God the little bastard didn’t make an appearance while I was at work, cause then she probably would’ve died of a heart attack. She would’ve convinced herself that the family did move in and that they’re taking over.
So tonight, I came home on time. Yeah, call me soft fellas, but I love my baby. I wanted to cuddle with her and watch a movie. We have two mirrors sitting on top of our dresser that allow us to look down the hallway so we can keep an eye on our little one if she so decides to get out of bed. While lying in bed, my wife looks into the mirror, and peeps the damn mouse. We all know what happens next. Quote. “Ahhhh! It’s another one! Kill it! Kill it!” So I jump out of bed and run into the bathroom in attempt to kill the mouse. I closed myself in, I hit the linen closet door, I banged on the walls. I just wanted his ass to run out so I could slam something on him. Didn’t work out that way. That little bastard came running out of the closet, and I aint gonna lie fellas, my ass backed up. I fear no one, I spent over a year in Iraq six years ago, and I’m not a small man. But I aint touching a damn mouse. His ass ran through a crack in the bathroom wall and I got the hell out of there. I set a trap right by the hole and climbed back into my bed with my wife. When she asked if I had caught him, I told her what any other man would’ve told their wife. And fellas, you already know, you would’ve said the same thing. Quote. “Damn baby, he was just too fast for me. Don’t worry though. I set a new trap.”