Written By: Tammy Ferebee
What a day, what a day. I woke up this morning to peace and quiet. I spent most of the afternoon in front of the television with the couch to myself. Up until about nine o clock, I had a pretty good day. I mean my night wasn’t so bad; just weird.
At about 8:30pm, Talia and my daughter come stand in front of the television dressed to go out. My initial thought was, they’re leaving. Yes! I can finish watching House without being disturbed. Of course that’s not why they were standing there. It just so happened that Talia forgot to go grocery shopping earlier, so of course she found that the best time to go would be during my favorite show on my night off.
Since I did have the day to relax, I figured why not accompany my wife and daughter. I know my daughters a handful and the wife did give me a break. What the hell. I said, lets make this a family outing.
Things sound pretty good huh? Keep reading. So we’re driving, laughing, shooting the shit. I turn to go down the back roads to get to the Shoppers. Nothing new here. We take this route all the time. As I’m driving, I see up ahead that this older woman in a damn moo moo nightgown keeps running back and forth across the street. My wife and I look at one another. We’re thinking, what the hell is she doing. I drive slowly and as I get closer, I realize what this woman is doing. Every time a car gets close to her, she runs out into the street hoping to get hit. As we’re slowly moving down the road, her ass comes running in front of our car. I hit the brakes. Talia’s screaming. For what? I don’t know. We didn’t touch the damn woman. I looked at the woman and she looked back at me. My face asked, what the hell are you thinking? Her face asked, why the hell didn’t you run me over? As soon as she gave me room to move, I drove past her crazy ass. The last thing I need is to end up in jail for running over an old white woman. Especially with my past driving record. There is no judge that would believe that this woman was suicidal. My ass would be thrown in jail and no matter how built I may be, I would end up being someone’s prison girlfriend. Not a funny thought.
As I’m driving away from the woman, Talia is screaming for me to go back. I look at my wife. She’s always the first one to run, but for some odd reason, she thought today we should try to play the hero. After being screamed at for about a minute straight, I U-Turn so that my wife, a woman without a psychology degree, can talk to a suicidal woman. As we come up on her again, she runs back into the street. I slam on the brakes again. As another driver stops to talk to the crazy woman, I turn to my screaming wife. “Look Talia, you aren’t going to be happy until her big ass does a belly flop on our windshield! I’m not trying to go to jail because of this woman.”
My wife nods as I head back in the direction of the store. As Talia feels sorry for herself because she couldn’t help the psycho, I get curious. I ask my wife, “Hey babe, what would you have done if you were alone?” She replies, “I would’ve tried to help her. Nobody should die like that.”
I continue to the Shoppers and silently thank God for making me drive my wife to the grocery store. All women say, behind every successful man stands a strong woman. Yeah, maybe so. Now my saying is, in front of most women, should stand a strong man. Be quiet ladies, I’m not a sexist, but sometimes your crazy asses need a strong man to tell you no. And maybe even say no for you. Don’t suck your teeth. There is nothing wrong with that. Is it fellas?